worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
