i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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