It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
