Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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