he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
