He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Boobs speak an international language.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
