all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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