I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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