The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
