so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
