David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
