I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
