This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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