If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
