And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
