Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
