goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
