She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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