Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize