How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
