you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Couch. On fire.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
