he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
