We need to rekindle our bromance
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
