Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
accomplished twins. life is a go
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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