Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
