If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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