i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I take back everything I said about communal showers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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