I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My vagina is very pro this idea
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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