i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
