Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
