Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
