I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
