Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
