My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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