She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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