Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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