i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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