'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He passed out mid-signature
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just puked most of my soul out..
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