The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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