What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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