Pappa wants mamma naked
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
