I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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