I wish I could teleport
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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