i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im part way to drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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