Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
