Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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