i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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