fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just high enough for therapy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
