I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
