I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
