The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
