Will you blow on my dice?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
