im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
