I'm jealous of your bromance
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
