I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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