Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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