distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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