You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
