Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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