how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
