apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Found your dick twin last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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