Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
