she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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