She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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