And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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