You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
