i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
