In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
